As a psychosocial counsellor, in the past few weeks, I have understood that from many communications that I receive, there are some serious issues in marriage life.

Females, recently married and even those who are in years of married life have this grave concern. Today, I am going to talk about females.
I did not wish to initially write and post these concerns on Facebook, but, since the situation is so grave and can wreck the bedrock of marriage life, and that is the reason. Most of these things are hidden from the family and society due to stigma.

Apart from many other things, marriage life has two main aspects to be fulfilled, and these are, emotional needs and physical needs. This has to be fulfilled by both husband and wife to each other. Emotional needs mean love, care, romance, understanding, and happiness, etc., and, physical needs will mean a fulfilled sexual life. Here, I am not going to talk about the other common physical needs such as food, clothing, water, shelter, etc.

Men are normally, initiators and the dominant partner in sex by nature, as is in other walks of life. However, most men think and feel that sexual satisfaction is restricted only to them, and the female partner is there only to facilitate this. And, when the urge is there, it is done and finished in no time, sometimes it lasts five minutes to ten minutes. There is no sweet talk, no romance, no foreplay, no caressing, etc. Even before the wife begins to get a feel, he has already come. And then she is left high and dry, goes dissatisfied. And, when this goes on for some time she loses hope in her dream of having a healthy sexual life and ends up frustrated with every session. Then she begins to find other alternatives. And this is the most dangerous point that I am trying to stress.

It must be clearly understood that the modern-day girls have access to mobile phones, computers, and the internet, and therefore, some of them get addicted to pornography. I am not generalizing. It does not matter if the girl is in some remote village in the Eastern Province or living in the high profiled areas of Colombo city. There is a very good chance that all these girls know what sex is and they look forward patiently to enjoy this activity with their husbands. More than anything, sex is a natural tendency that arises during the teenage for both sexes. Boys have their own ways, but what can the girls do. I hope you understand what I am trying to stress.

I cannot go into details of unfaithfulness that is happening, due to the lackadaisical attitude of the husbands. Husbands must necessarily know that marriage is a life skill that has to be learned, and it has so many dimensions. Yet some husbands neglect their home front by getting involved and spending too much time in social activity work. Many young wives complain that their husbands go out of the house at 7.00 in the morning and come back tired at almost 9.00 past in the night. Even on weekends husbands get together with friends or have some event to attend. Some of the wives have extramarital relationships due to this. Actually, this is a very sad state of affairs as the husband is not prepared to listen to the woes of the wife, or takes it from one ear and sends it out from the other, and takes it lightly, little realizing that necessity needs no law.

Wives simply like romance and that their husbands should flirt with them. But romance is far from the mind of the husband. If the husband does not provide them with this legitimate and acceptable requirement of the wife, what can the wife do? Let this be an eye-opener to such husbands, and also a warning bell. I simply don’t want to mention the fact that some of them have already missed their clarion call.