When a man is stressed he will withdraw into the ‘cave’ of his mind. Man is similar to a lion, as sometimes the lion goes into the cave to take a break. He then focuses on solving his problem and thus momentarily loses awareness of everything else. At such times, he becomes distanced, forgetful, and unresponsive. When having a conversation it looks as if only 5% of mind is available for the relationship whereas, the other 95% is still at work.
At such times, not capable of giving his wife the attention and feelings that she normally receives from him. His mind is preoccupied and he is powerless at this stage. If, however, when he finds a solution, he will much better and come out of his cave, and he is available for relationship again.
If he does not find a solution then to get unstuck from the cave he involves to solving little problems like, reading the newspapers, watching TV, driving his vehicle, watching a game of sports, or any other recreation. Any activity that at the start requires 5% of his mind can assist him in forgetting his problems and become unstuck. The next day he can focus on his problems with greater success.
For example, when a man watches a game of football to release his stress and unwind. He then releases his mind from trying to solve his own problems by solving the problems of his favorite team, although this is not his problem. When his team scores a points/goals or wins, he enjoys the feeling of success. If his team loses, he suffers this loss as his own. In either case, however, his mind is released from the grip of his real problem.
The good thing is that the inevitable release of tension that occurs at the completion of any sports event, new event, or movie, exercise, provides a release from the tension he feels in his life. And this makes him come back from his cave and carry on with normal life, thus find solutions to his problems.
This however is not understood properly. And, fault is found with the male counterpart for being lazy and not responsive. How one person looks at a problem is different to how another looks at it. The issues are that we want everyone to look at the problem in very much the same way as we do. Is this possible and practical?
(Next article will deal on ‘Understanding women’….Insha Allah)