It has been quite a while since I wrote the last part, in which I spoke about an alternative way of expressing your feelings, as this may reduce or have better control of what you wanted to convey. Sometimes, verbal communication could turn out to be one-side, or not be understood properly. And, this would in turn may way for more conflicts.

One of the best ways to convey your message, negative or positive, is to use the Letter of Feelings Expression. Though writing out your feelings in a certain manner, the negative emotions would automatically lessen. This way of writing out what you want to say is quite flexible, and a powerful and healing experience for both.

To begin with, find a private spot and write a letter to your partner. In each such letter, express your feelings of anger, sadness, fear, regret and then love. This method allows you fully to say and understand your feelings. When you truly understand your feelings, you will then be able to communicate to your partner in a more caring way and be on track too.

When we are upset we normally have many feelings coming up at once. For example, when your partner disappoints you, you may feel angry. Angry that she is being unappreciative; sad that he is too pre-occupied with his work. Afraid that she will never forgive you; afraid that he doesn’t care much about you. Sorry that you are secretly withholding your love from him or her. But, at the same time, you love that he or she is your partner and you want his or her love and attention.

In order to find our love feelings, we need to, many times, feel all our negative feelings first. After expressing these four negative feelings of anger, sadness, fear and regret, we can then fully feel and express our love feelings.

Method of writing “Letter of Feelings Expression”

  1. Write the name of your partner, addressing him. Contemplate that he or she is listening to you with love and understanding
  2. Start with anger, then sadness, then fear, then regret, and then love. Include all of these five feelings in each letter.
  3. Write a few sentences about each feeling in different sections. Speak in simple terms.
  4. After each section, stop and notice the next feeling coming up. Then write about that feeling
  5. Do not stop the letter until you get to ‘love’. Be patient and wait for the love to come out.
  6. Sign your name at the end.
  7. Think for a moment what you need or want and then write it in a P.S.

Try it out and see how it goes. Insha Allah, in my next write up, I will try to give you some sample words of how to express your feelings mentioned above.

Good luck and keep smiling.

Rhumy Amith

Counselling Psychologist and Marriage Consultant.