COMMUNICATING DIFFICULT FEELINGS
It so happens in our married lives that sometimes when we are upset, disappointed, frustrated, or angry it is difficult to make conversation lovingly. When negative emotions come up we tend to lose our loving feelings. At such times, even with the best intentions, normal talking turns into a battle. Battles into war. In this heat of the moment, we do not remember how to communicate, we start calling each other names, we bring the untidy past into play, we arouse family sentiments and more.
During arguments, a wife unknowingly tends to blame the husband and make them feel guilty for their actions. Instead of remembering that her partner is doing the best he can, she does not realize how negative and hurtful her attitude is to her partner.
When a husband becomes upset, he tends to become judgmental of his wife and her feelings. Instead of keeping in mind that his partner is sensitive and vulnerable, the husband may forget her needs and sound mean and uncaring. When he is in this mood it is difficult for him to speak in a caring, understanding and respected way. He does not realize how hurtful his negative attitude is to her.
There are times when talking does not work. Fortunately, there is another way of expressing or sharing your thoughts and feelings. Write a letter to him or her. This may sound unusual but it is a good way of letting your emotions out. By expressing and listening to your own feelings you automatically have control and become more centered in the conflict. As husbands write they become more caring, understanding and respectful.
Writing out negative feelings is an excellent way to become aware or to know how unloving you may sound. With this awareness, you can adjust your approach and emotions. One more good thing is that by writing your negative emotions, their intensity or power can be released, which may make room for positive feelings to surface again.
Instead, of writing down or talking about your feelings, you may also choose to do the same process in your mind. In your imagination, simply imagine what you feel, think and want from him. Of course without editing anything. By carrying on an inner dialogue expressing the true and complete inner feelings in your mind, you will realize that you are becoming free from your negative grip.
This writing or imagination technique will make negative feelings lose their power and mend and make way for positive feelings to re-emerge.
I will tell you some tips on how to do this ‘Letter of Feelings Expression’ in my next episode.