Bismih Ta’ala.

A simple conversation can easily lead to an argument and then to fights mainly because of the tone of the voice, the expression on the face and if the choice of words.

The examples I gave last week speaks volumes of these facts. It applies to both men and women. Without commitment, understanding and practice, even the best of relationships would have a difficult time. But, it is sad to see that in our daily lives so much of tension and then suspicion is raised and we don’t even care about what went wrong. We don’t even take time to think if what we said was right or wrong because our ego wants us to be right all the time, even when we know we are wrong.

I am stressing on positive communications so much because that is the main tool which we use to make or break our relationship. Being cheerful always is the hallmark of a good Muslim. To have a smiling face even in times of distress can create magic. But how many of us dare even give it a shot. Are we purposely and willfully creating a situation to live a troubled life. On a lighter vein, arguments and fights have become so common for many of us that we feel that our lives are not complete if we don’t argue or fight every day. Remember, that variety is the spice of life does not mean this type of negative life.

Take some time when you are not upset with your partner to find out what words works best for them, and share what works best for you. Having an ‘agreed upon statements’ can be very helpful to balance and avoid tension when conflicts arise.

Also remember the golden rule that no matter how correct your choice of words are, the feeling behind your words counts the most. Even if you were to use the correct words, if your partner did not feel your love, acceptance and approval, the tension would continue to increase.

Making changes can be awkward, funny or manipulative. Many people have the idea that love means saying things straight to the face (‘saying it like it is’). You can express your feelings but in a very polite and nice way which does not offend or hurt the listener. It is difficult to change a lifetime of conditioning and habit in a few days or weeks. It will seem insincere and unnatural to use these new methods of speaking when you do so at the start. But after some time both you and your partner will find it naturally coming and it would then be a ‘bond of bliss’ in your relationship. Be supportive of your partner in this new learning and practice and then you both will glow.

(To be continued, Insha Allah)