Bismih Ta’ala.

By now, you would agree, if you have closely followed my write-ups, that a male and a female are not equal in any way. Their needs, ways of thinking, emotions and attitudes are all different. Right throughout my articles I have been trying to make readers understand of this fact. If this is understood properly, empathy will then settle in each person’s heart towards the other person. And, thereby, unnecessary frictions, misunderstandings and disputes which we see on a daily basis, will be reduced. The consequences will be a happy and contended life.

However, many men and women are not aware of the truth that they have different emotional needs. As a result, they don’t know how to support each other. For example, in a relationship, a man will give what he wants and a woman will give what she wants. Both of them think that their needs and emotions are the same. This is where the problem starts.

A man and a woman in a relationship will think and feel that they have given their best shot but they did not get back in return, what they gave, from their partner. Both will feel that their love is not appreciated. The truth is that both is giving their best love and care but not in the same preferred manner.

For example a woman thinks she is being loving and caring when she asks a lot of caring questions or shows some concern. As we have discussed in earlier lessons, this can make a man annoying. He may start to feel that he is being controlled and then he may want space. But, she is confused why her man is behaving in this manner, because if she is given this kind of support she would be on top of the world.

Similarly, a man will think he is being loving, but the way he expresses his love may make his woman think that he is not caring and supportive. For example, when a woman gets upset, he thinks he is loving and supporting her by making comments that will reduce the impact of her problems. He may say words such as, “Don’t worry, it is not such a big issue.” Or he may completely ignore her, assuming that he is giving her a lot of space to cool off and go into her silent zone ( because it is usual for a man to go into his silent zone during times of problems). So, what he thinks as support will make her unloved and ignored.

AS we have already discussed earlier, that when a woman is upset she needs to be heard and understood. Therefore, a man must understand this factor however difficult and annoying this will be if he truly loves his woman. He must somehow make effort and practices patience in listening to his woman if he wants the relationship to be a happy one.

In the next lesson we shall discuss the love needs of a male and a female, Insha Allah.

(To be continued, Insha Allah)