Bismih Ta’ala.

Further to my write-up last week on the unspoken language in communication between a man and an woman, listed below are some of the abbreviations that a man uses in response when a woman asks, “What’s the matter?”

In reply to the above question the man says, “ I am OK.” “I am fine.” “It’s nothing.” “It’s alright.” “It’s no big deal.” “It’s no problem.”

The above replies of a man generally means that he wants silent acceptance or space, and therefore a woman should leave him to be in his silent zone. As inquisitive as they are, a woman may ask, “What can I do to shorten his stay in the Silent Zone?” The answer is that nothing can be done. The more a woman gets a man to talk the more he will spend his time in the Silent Zone.

How to support a man who is in his ‘Silent Zone’

  1. Do not let him feel bad by indicating you don’t like him going to the silent zone.
  2. Don’t try to help him solve his problems by giving solutions.
  3. Don’t try to show that you care for him by asking questions about his feelings.
  4. Don’t sit next to the door of his Silent Zone and wait for him to come out.
  5. Don’t worry about him for feel sorry for him
  6. Finally do something which makes you happy. When he sees happiness in you it will make his coming out easier.

For a man to feel that his wife has faith in him that he can handle his problems is very important to his honour, pride and self-esteem. A man will always want his wife to have confidence in him.

However, it is so difficult for a wife to stop worrying about her husband because this is the way that a woman expresses her love and care. For a woman to be happy when a person she loves is upset does not seem right. He too certainly does not want her to be happy because he is upset, but he does want her to be happy. Why? He then has one less problem to worry about. Men want women to be happy because it helps him to feel loved by her. As such, when a woman is happy and free from worry, it is easier for a man to come out of his Silent Zone.

Unusually, men show their love by not worrying. What goes in a man’s mind is, “How can you worry about someone whom you admire and trust ?” Generally men compliment each others with assurances such as, “Don’t worry, you can handle it” or “That’s their problem, not yours” or “I am sure it will work out fine”. Men support each other by not worrying or by minimizing their problems. It generally takes years for a man to understand that his wife actually wants him to worry for her when she is upset. Without this awareness of our different needs life may get more often out of balance than not.

(To be continued, Insha Allah)