Bismih Ta’ala.
By nature a woman considers it as a loving gesture to offer advice. But, for a man, unless it is asked for, he doesn’t like to be told what to do. Men will appreciate that a women trusts them to solve their problems. This trust has a big impact on men, and then they feel loved. This does not mean that women have to control their feelings. It is alright for her to feel angry or frustrated, as long as she does not try to change him. Any effort to change him will only make the relationship unsupportive.
When woman loves a man she starts to improve the relationship. In her enthusiasm and cheerfulness she makes him a target for her improvement. Then she unknowingly starts a slow process of correcting him. She makes a lot of effort in many ways to change or improve him. She thinks that these efforts are loving and caring, but for a man it is not. He feels controlled, rejected and unloved when this happens. He will then stubbornly reject her because he feels she is rejecting him.
Ask any woman who had tried to change a man. And she will tell you what she received in response. The more you try to change him the more he will resist. And, when a man resists her efforts, she then starts to misunderstand him. She mistakenly thinks that he is not willing to change, and she gets sad thinking that he does not love her enough. The truth is he is resisting the efforts of the wife because he thinks that she does not love him enough. Therefore, my advice to females: Make your man trusted, accepted, appreciated and so forth, and then he will automatically begin to change, grow and improve. You will be over the moon.
The problem is that we are not prepared to listen and learn. Marriage life is a skill that you have to learn lifelong. But sadly most people think that it is just another day to day affair and feels smart that they can manage on their own. And then the fireworks start. It is very important that these life skills in wedded life are learnt and practiced. . I am making a sincere effort towards this in having this three months course to teach these very important skills to make a marriage happy and lasting, but sadly it seems no one is interested in learning. The divorce rates are by the day increasing at an alarming rate. What is then your take towards bringing sanity?
(To be continued, Insha Allah)