Bismih Ta’ala.- WOMEN SHOULD EXPERIENCE THE ‘WAVE’ PROCESS
Continuing from what we discussed last week, the reason why a woman experiences a ‘wave’ increase is when she is in an intimate relationship. It is important that she feels safe to go through this process. Otherwise, she will pretend that everything is all right and thereby suppress her negative feelings and emotions.
When a woman does not feel safe to go into her well, what she will do is avoid intimacy and sex with her husband. She will then try out things like drinking, overeating, overworking, or over-caretaking to control her dead feelings. Sometimes even with addictions like these, she still will fall into the well and then her feelings will come up in the most uncontrollable fashion.
We have probably heard about couples who never fight or argue, but, then, suddenly to everyone’s shock and surprise they decide to go for divorce. This is because in many of these cases the woman has suppressed or controlled her negative feelings to avoid having fights. And due to this she feels frozen and numb and therefore unable to feel her love.
Remember, that when negative feelings are suppressed at the same time positive feelings also gets suppressed, and therefore love dies a natural death. I am not encouraging women to fight and get into a worse situation. That is not the point here. Avoiding arguments and fights are actually good and must be encouraged. But what I am trying to mean here is to not to suppress your feelings. Insha Allah, in future lessons we will discuss how to avoid arguments without controlling or suppressing your feelings.
Even a strong minded, successful and confidence woman will also need to visit her well from time to time. Men sometimes make the mistake of thinking that their female partner due to her success and confidence will not experience emotional feelings. When a woman is in the work world, she goes through a lot of stress. Then, her need for emotional housecleaning becomes stronger.
When a woman goes to work she can remove her emotional feelings but when she returns home she needs her partner to give the tender and loving support that every women needs and appreciates at these times.
It is important to understand that a woman going into the well does not mean that her competency at work will be affected but it does greatly influences her communication with the people whom she loves.