Bismih Ta’ala.
In my previous article, I discussed about a man’s pull away from his wife, due to his natural intimacy cycle. Today lets us see how a man is punished when he tries to come back.
Physically when he desires her, she keeps away from him. She may reject him sexually too. She will not let him get near her. She will harm him or break things in order to show her displeasure. When a man is punished for pulling away, he may become afraid of doing it again. His natural intimacy cycle is then broken. It may create anger in him and block his feelings for her. He may then not come back again when he has pulled away from her.
Emotionally she is unhappy when he comes back. She does not forgive him for neglecting her. Whatever he does will not make her happy. He feels incapable and gives up.
When he returns, she expresses her displeasure, through words, tone of voice or by looking at him in a sarcastic way.
Mentally she would refuse to open up when he comes back, and share her feelings. She become cold and resents him for not talking at that earlier time. She stops trusting that he really cares and punishes him by not giving him a chance to listen and make up. In short, when he happily returns to her, he is in the doghouse.
All these will put fear into him and prevent him from coming back from his silent zone.
A man generally doesn’t realize how difficult it is for a woman when he pulls away, and then returns later. With this new learning a man can recognize the importance of sincerely listening when a woman speaks. The wise man initiates a conversation to ask her how she feels. He assures her by saying. “I need some time to be alone and then we will have some special time together with no disturbances.” Or “I need time to think about this and then we can talk again.”
The wise woman does not give up. She learns to open up and share her feelings without demanding that he does the same. She trusts that he will slowly open up too. She does not punish him or chase after him. She patiently and lovingly persists with a knowledge that few women have.
(To be continued, Insha Allah)