GIVE AND TAKE
To be self-sufficient is a great feeling for men. They don’t easily ask for help unless they really need it. For them it is rude to offer them help without asking. It could be by way of advice or anything. Women are just the opposite. When they love someone, they give in any way they can. They don’t wait to be asked. The more they love someone the more they give.
Therefore, when a man does not offer support, his partner mistakenly thinks that he does not love her. She may even test his love by not asking for his support and waiting for him to help her. When a woman does not ask for support, her partner thinks that she does not need the support and therefore he does not offer any help. But he does not know that she is waiting for him to offer his support. For females who read this write-up, remember, that if you need help, you have to ask him.
When you ask he knows what to give. Actually, men are in a way innocent. The really don’t know what to do, because they don’t think like women do, and when there is a backfire they are confused. Therefore, when the wife does not get work done at home, he spends more time outside, thinking that making more money will really help his wife, as he feels guilty that he is not contributing anything at home. And then the wife complains he is never at home.
Husbands should keep in mind that a woman does not by nature ask for support when she needs it especially from her husband. Instead, she expects you to offer support if you love her. This is how she expects you to love her in a way. Most times a wife will agree to your requests. She will happily say, “Yes, I will do this for you and I will do that for you”. Agreeing to what you want does not mean that it is what she wants. Ask information about what she likes and take her to those places.
Wives should keep in mind that if you say ‘YES’ to everything that your husband offers, he will mistakenly think that he has kept you happy and you are satisfied. Use your voice in a graceful way and give him your choice of where you want to go, and what you want to do. Take turns in keeping each other happy by mutually agreeing to give and take, in all matters. This should be one of the matters which should be kept in mind when conversations take place before a marriage, when partners want to get to know each other.
When the groom’s family comes to see the girl, and if both parties are happy, in these times, it is prudent to allow the girl to talk to the boy in the vicinity of the house, to discuss the salient points of how their marriage life is going to be. You may not be able to discuss everything. But at least both the girl and boy will know what is expected of each other, the commitments of a contented marriage life. I say this because some boys and girls get married just because their parents want them married.
Marriage life is an important and the most needed skill that we have to learn and master. Most of us don’t even know that such a skill exists. That is why I am taking all the pain to discuss these matters, with the hope that Divorce Cases at Quazi Courts may come down.
Rhumy Amith Counselling Psychologist/Relationship Consultant.
(To be continued, Insha Allah)