Of all relationships, the one between a husband and wife takes pride of place and is of greater importance. This is because, the children, who are the future generation looks at their parents and learn. This is called learning through observation in psychology.
Cordiality between a husband and wife depends on how they communicate. And this skill has to be necessarily learnt. You have to understand well that it is not what we say that hurts, but how we say it. When a man feels that he is being challenged or that his wife does not like what he says, then his mind tells him that he is always right, and he forgets to be loving as well.
Naturally, his good ways of caring, being respectful and nice voice tone also slows down. He is then not aware of or he does not know how hurtful he becomes to his wife. At such times, a simple disagreement sounds like an attack to a woman. A request will seem like an order. As a result the woman feels hurt and fights this unloving and uncaring attitude of her husband. In normal circumstance she would be accepting and abiding by what the husband says.
A man becomes upset when the woman resists or refuses to accept him, and then will go on to explain to her why she should not be upset. This he does without knowing the fact that he is at fault for not changing his ways of speaking. He will keep on speaking trying to justify what he says, but all the time his wife will be still upset.
He has no idea that he is starting an argument, and he thinks she is arguing with him. He defends his point of view while she defends herself from his sharp words which are hurting her. A man may not even realize how much he is hurting her because for him if someone speaks to him the way he speaks to his wife he will not feel so bad. Normally, a man may not feel so emotionally hurt the way a woman feels when someone raises the voice.
Therefore, a man automatically is upset why his wife feels upset when he says something like this. Are you getting my point ? Is my voice reaching you load and clear ? Similar a woman does not realize how she can be hurtful to her husband, when she increases her voice. A woman starts and the arguments become worse when she speaks about the negative behavior of her husband, and also by giving advice which is not requested. It takes two to argue, but it only takes one to stop the argument. The best way to stop an argument is to nip it in the bud. You should accept that you are at fault when there is a disagreement. Because there cannot be two solutions to a question. Stop talking and take time out. Try to understand what your partner wants. After sometime, come back and talk in a loving and caring way. Time-outs allow us to cool off, heal our wounds, and centre ourselves before trying to communicate again.
(To be continued, Insha Allah)