On most occasions, it is bad communication which leads to misunderstandings and split between husband and wife. In my past articles I have highlighted this fact numerous times. What is sad is that nobody is willing to learn and practice this to make a life out of living. Healthy communication leads to a happy family life. The art of listening and the art of talking needs practice.
When a wife shares her thoughts it naturally makes the husband to talk. But when the wife pushes or forces her husband to talk, his mind goes blank. Even if wants to talk, he will have nothing to say. It is hard for a man to talk specially when his wife is interrogating him ( questioning) him. However, his wife will feel that he needs to talk. She feels that if he does not talk he doesn’t love her.
But for a man to talk, he needs to be accepted the way he is. He needs to be appreciated for listening and then he will open up more. Without asking him a 100 questions or demanding him that he talks, the wife should let him know that she appreciates even if he just listens. Because without appreciation and encouragement a man may lose interest because he feels that by “listening” he is doing “nothing”. A husband does not realize how important listening is to his wife.
Just look at the below conversation for example:
Hafsa: “How was your day ?”
Imran: “ OK”
Hafsa: “What happened?”
Imran: “ The usual”
Hafsa: “ What do you feel like doing this weekend ?”
Imran: “I don’t care. What do you want to do?”
Hafsa: “Do you want to invite your friends over?”
Imran: “I don’t know….. Do you know where the TV program schedule is?”
Hafsa: (Upset) “Why don’t you talk to me?”
Imran: (Stunned and silence)
Hafsa: “Do you love me?”
Imran: “Of course I love you. I married you”
Hafsa: “How could you love me? We never talk anymore. How can you just sit there and say nothing. Don’t you care about me?”
At this point Imran would get up and go for a walk. When he comes back he would act as if nothing had happened. Hafsa also would act as if everything is fine but inside her she would withdraw her love and warmth. From time to time she would boil up and feel bad.
Remember last topic I discussed that men are like rubber bands. There are two ways that a woman may cause distress to a man’s intimacy.
- Chasing him when he pulls away
- Punishing him for pulling away.
(To be continued, Insha Allah)