Bismih Ta’ala.
Love and care between husband and wife in all aspects of life are very vital. Whatever that transpires between them are watched by their children. Children learn many skills in life by observing what their parents do. If the attitude and actions of mother and father are positive, the children also become positive in life and same goes the other way about too.
Therefore, at all times parents must be aware of this fact and never have an argument or fight in front of children. The positive foundation of children at home paves way for their success later in life. Continuing my discussions between a man and woman and how they amazingly differ in their approaches, it has to be understood that while men want to be trusted, women want caring. When a man says to a woman “What’s the matter honey?” with a concerned look on his face, she feels comforted by his caring.
However, when a woman in a similar caring and concerned way says to a man, “What’s the matter honey?” he may feel insulted or repulsed. He feels as if though she does not trust him to handle things. It is very difficult for a man to differentiate between empathy and sympathy. He does not like being pitied.
A woman may say, “I am so sorry I hurt you” He will say, “It’s no big deal “and push away her support. She on the other hand loves to hear him say, “I am so sorry I hurt you.” She then feels he really cares. This is why women complain that”…no matter how I tell him he gets angry.” If a woman wants her partner to change if she is not getting her needs and wants, she should share her feelings and make requests to him without giving advice or criticism. Women need to learn this art of caring and creativity and the four possible approaches are as follows:
- A woman can tell a man that she doesn’t like the way he dresses without giving him a lecture how to dress. As he is getting dressed, she should say, “I don’t like that shirt on you. Would you wear another one.” If he gets annoyed she should apologize by saying, “ I am sorry, I didn’t mean to tell your how to dress.”
- If he is very sensitive, and some men are, then she could try talking about it another time. She could say “Remember that blue shirt you wore with the green trousers? I didn’t like that combination. Would you try wearing it with grey trousers?”
- She could directly ask “Would you let me take you shopping one day? I would like to pick out an outfit for you.” If he says no, then she can be sure that he doesn’t want any more mothering. If he says yes, don’t offer him too much advice.
- She could also say “There is something I want to talk but I don’t know how to say it …(silence)…. I don’t want to offend you, but I really want to say it. Would you listen and suggest to me a better way I could say it.” This helps him to prepare himself for the shock and then he happily finds out that it is not such a big deal.
The above example could be followed in various other situations as well. A man who feels that his wife means what is best for him will immediately listen to her and go by what she says, for he truly believes that she wants is the best for him.
(To be continued, Insha Allah)