Bismih Ta’ala. My articles are never gender based, and you have to truly acknowledge this fact. The intention is to make couples understand the internal frame of mind of their respective spouses. Both men and women should read these with an unbiased mind and practice, if they sincerely want to improve on their relationships.
Women have a lot to learn about men if they want their relationships to be fulfilling. They have to understand that when a man is upset or stressed he will naturally go into his silent zone. Not even their best friends are allowed in this zone. Women should not become afraid when this happens as he will automatically come out of this zone after a while and everything will be fine. However, it is so difficult for a woman not to help a man in this situation, because she cares for him, she wants to help him. But this upsets the man more. Her feelings are good but the result may be not so good.
Golden rule is that both men and women should start to learn the many different ways that their partners think, feel and react. This is truly the concept of true love. Love is blind is a wrong concept.
Why do men go into their silent zones?
- He is keen to think and find a solution to the problem.
- He does not have an answer. A man is never taught to say that he does not have an answer. Other men think he is doing fine when he goes into the silent zone.
- He wants to cool down because he does not want to do anything which he will regret later.
- When men are in love, at times, they begin to forget themselves. They can feel that too much intimacy may bring down their power. Whenever they get too close to lose themselves, alarm bells go off and then they are off to their silent zone. After some time, they come out with their loving and powerful self again.
Why do women talk ?
- Women talk for the same reasons that men stop talking.
- To convey a message or find information ( this is the only reason that a man talks)
- She talks to think out loud and discover what it is that she wants to say. (He stops talking to find out what he wants to say).
- To feel better and more focused when she is upset. ( He stops talking when he is upset and goes to the silent zone)
- To create closeness and share her inner feelings in order to know her loving self. ( He stops talking find himself again as he thinks too much intimacy will rob him of himself).
A good example of a conversation obetween man and woman when he is stressed or upset is given below.
She asks, “Is something wrong?” He says, “No.”
She asks again, “ I know something is bothering you, what is it?’ He says, “It’s nothing.”
She asks, “It’s not nothing. Something is bothering you. What is it ?” He says, “Look, I am fine. Now leave me alone.”
She says, “How can you treat me like this. You always do this to me. How am I suppose to know how you are feeling when you don’t talk to me. You don’t love me, I feel very bad.” At this point he loses control and will start sayings things which he will regret later.
Healthy communication is a two way system. We should try to understand the unspoken language.
(To be continued, Insha Allah)