We discussed last week about women having a dictionary of their own when it comes to communication. This week, I shall endeavor to explain further.
When your wife says “We never go out”, it means, “ I feel like going out and being together. I have such a nice time, and I love being with you. Would you take me out ? It has been quite some time since we went out.” Now when a wife says, “We never go out” without the above intended meaning, a husband may hear it as, “You are not doing your job. We never do anything together anymore because you are lazy, unromantic and just boring.”
When your wife says, “Everyone around here ignores me” it means “Today, I am feeling ignored and nobody cares about me. I feel as if nobody sees me. I know that you work hard, but sometimes I feel that I am not important to you. I feel that your work is more important than me. Would you just give me a hug and tell me how special I am to you, no matter what.” The husband hears the words “Everyone around here ignores me” to mean “I am so unhappy. Nobody helps me. I am hopeless. Even you don’t notice me, although you are supposed to love me. I have never ignored you this way.”
When your wife says, “ I am so tired, I cannot do anything”, it means that “I have been doing so much today. I really need a rest. I am so lucky to have your support. Would hug me and say that I am doing a good job and that I deserve a rest.” A husband may hear the words “I am so tired, I cannot do anything as meaning, “I do everything and you do nothing. You should do more. I cannot do all the work alone. I feel so hopeless. I want a real man to live with me. Choosing you was a big mistake.”
When your wife says, “This house is always in a mess” she actually means “ Today, I feel like relaxing, but the house is messy. I am frustrated. Would you agree with me and give me a helping hand to at least clean a part of it.” But the husband may hear it as, “This house is messy because of you. I do everything possible to clean up, and before I have finished cleaning up, you have messed up again. You are a lazy slob. Clean up or clear out.”
When your wife says,”No one listens to me anymore”, she means “ I feel that I am boring to you. I feel very sensitive today. Would you give me some special attention ?. I would simply love it. I have had a hard day and feels nobody appreciates. Would you listen to me and ask me questions which boosts me up like ‘What happened today ? How did you feel ? What did you want ? Did you miss me? Tell me more. How can I be of help to you?’” Without this meaning, the husband will hear it as, “ I give you my attention but you don’t listen to me. You have others to listen to. You used to be so good those days. Now you have become a boring person. You are selfish, uncaring and bad.”
When your wife says, “You don’t love me anymore,” she means that “Today I am feeling as if you don’t love me. I know that you do love me and you do so much for me. But today I feel that absence of love. Would tell me again, those magical three letters ‘I LOVE YOU’. It will feel so good to me.” However, the husband will hear it as if the wife is saying, “I have given the best years of my life and you have given me nothing. You used me. You are selfish and cold. You do what you want to do, for you and only you. I was a fool for loving you. Now I have nothing.”
When the wife says “We are always in a hurry” translated into her language she means “I feel so rushed today. I don’t like people rushing me. I know it is not your fault and i don’t blame you. I know you are doing your best to be on time. I appreciate how much you care. Would you soothe me by saying ‘I don’t always like rushing either.’ Without the above meaning, the husband may hear it as, “ You are so irresponsible. You wait until the last minute to do everything. I can never be happy when I am with you. We are always rushing to avoid being late. You ruin everything. I am happier when you are not around.”
What I have stated above although a little longer than my usual articles, is for the husbands to understand the unspoken language of the wives with more care and empathy. With proper understand care and romance, your family life will work magic for you. Are you prepared to change?
(To be continued, Insha Allah)