COMMUNICATION – The importance of understanding.
For those following my write-ups in this PPM Forum, under BOND OF BLISS, by now they would have known very clearly that men and women differ in almost everything. However, these differences should not be taken negatively. Such differences add spice to life. Variety is the spice of life. Understanding such attributes is itself a great skill, which makes life that much challenging and interesting. The purpose of my effort is for everyone to have a cheerful life.
Communication is one very important factor in married life. Although men and women use the same words, they don’t mean the same thing. For example when a woman says, “I feel like you never listen,” it is just a way of expressing her frustration that she is feeling at the moment. It should not be taken as factual information. To express their feeling women use superlatives and generalizations. But, men mistakenly take these expressions in the actual meaning, and, therefore, they usually react in an unsupportive manner.
You will observe that the “actual” translation of a woman’s words could easily mislead a man, because he is used to only hearing facts and information. We can also see how a man’s responses may lead to an argument. Unclear and unloving speech is the biggest problem in relationships.
Let us now look at the number one complaint a woman has in relationships which is “I don’t feel heard”. Even this is misunderstood, because for a man, “I don’t feel heard”, means a wrong statement because he feels that he has heard her proper word to word, and he feels that he can repeat every word he heard. But the actual meaning of “I don’t feel heard”, is “I feel as though you don’t fully understand what I really mean to say”, or “I don’t feel as though you care about how I feel” or “Would you show me that you are interested in what I have to say?”
If a man really understood her words then he would not argue and he will be able to respond positively. Normally, when men and women are on the point of starting an argument, it means they have misunderstood each other. At such times, it is important to apply brakes, be patient, and rethink or translate what they have heard.
Because, many men do not understand that women have a different way of expressing their feelings, they wrongly judge these feelings. And, then these lead to unnecessary arguments. It is important for men to understand that women have a word to word dictionary of their own.
Therefore, next time around Guys, give your partner an indication that you are “all ears” and listen empathetically. This may have a beautiful effect in your relationship. Insha Allah, in my next article, I shall give more examples of expressions of women and what it means.
(To be continued, Insha Allah)