Let us look at some of the reasons why males and females behave the way they do. Looking at the period of childhood to adolescence of a male, it can be seen that he is much self-absorbed, has more freedom, spends time with friends and as such the awareness of the needs of others are very less. He also observes the role of his mother dutifully fulfilling the needs of the father and the family, and therefore he has learnt that females are more of a “giving” type.
On the other hand, in her younger years, females are normally restricted in their movements unlike their male counterparts, learns from the mother and gets involved, whether she likes it or not in assisting the mother in her work. In so doing, she adopts the characteristics of a “giving” person.
Therefore, why a man behaves the way he does and how a woman adjusts herself when she grows up in life has much to do from what is learnt from childhood. Understand this and making effort to change these in a gradual but effective manner to have a proper balance, can make family life so much healthier.
Now, when she grows up, she is willing to sacrifice and mould herself to fulfill her partner’s various needs. However, when a woman realizes that she has been “giving” too much, she then blames her partner for their unhappiness. She feels that great injustice has been done in this imbalance of “giving” and “receiving”. But then, when a woman “gives” too much she should not blame her partner because he has learnt from his early years that if it is a woman she has to “give”. On the other hand, a man who gives less should not blame his partner for being negative, as he too has to realize his important in his share of “giving” and try to adjust the imbalance. In both cases, the blame game does not work.
When this happens, instead of blaming, a man can be supportive, even if his partner does not ask for it, and help her, in doing little things for her to show that he cares, so that her trust in him will increase and she will open up to him.
Similarly, instead of blaming a man for giving less, a woman can accept and forgive his imperfections when he disappoints her, and all the time trusting that he will give more, and thereby encourage him to give more by appreciating what he “gives” and do not stop asking him for his support.
(To be continued, Insha Allah)